Your face is a jimmy john
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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