i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
