i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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