Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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