I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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