i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
