just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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