the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
