I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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