How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm like, not good at living.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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