Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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