thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
