We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
