So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
