hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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