I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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