i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
