Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
