That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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