I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
