There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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