I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
