Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
