what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
