He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
