If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
