Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
