my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
