My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize