it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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