This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
