All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
