Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
