where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
