I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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