I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
