Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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