The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
