I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
