I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
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