The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
