I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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