I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize