We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize