"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
