people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
