in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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