sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
