2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
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