You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize