Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
