The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
