whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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