don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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