I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
