I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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