if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
