her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
