Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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