True but thats because hes a fetus.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
