I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
