Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize