It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
