hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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