Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You can't just leave with hair like that
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Randomize
