I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
