I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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