nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
