Betty ford says i'm here all night
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
