we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize