You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Randomize
