I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
