literally had 100 drinks last night.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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