Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
