I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize