I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize