Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
