my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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