Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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