you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize