swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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