who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
