you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
