I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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