We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
