U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
