So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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