Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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